And they left me there over and over, for an eternity. I came back shattered. But at least knowing the truth. Something no one should ever get to see of themselves.
And as I sit here now, hopefully recovering from a 12 liter weekend that ended on Saturday yet has somehow continued to destroy me, no sleep, constant pressure in my head, dire thoughts of that existential crisis that comes to those who've stood at the abyss, I pray that my heart rate rises from 54bpm where it was typically 80-100bpm, and that I can once more fall asleep without being woken in panic after having stopped breathing... again and again and again.
It was with terrible anger that I had to get up at 1am, no sleep... and I am a ruin.
But at least I won't be drinking any time soon, it is always within the ruins that I seek redemption. But with gynacomastia, a borderline cirrhotic liver, lumps growing on my kidneys, and the mental state of someone who has completely lost sanity, along with an ever more frail mother with uncertain hope which terrifies me more and more, I know I have to do it.
The alternative I've already seen... and there is more yet to witness, no need to fall into oblivion so soon.
